Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize