There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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