I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
