Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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