My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
