No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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