Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
