Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
