On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
