I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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