At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
