I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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