I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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