They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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