No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
