if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
