Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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