Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
