I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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