I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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