so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
