the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
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