And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
