just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
