What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
