she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
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