apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
operation have a gay friend backfired
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
