so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize