A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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