peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
