There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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