He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
