We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
