i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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