I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
