You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
