capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
