Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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