I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
