i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
The beers last night were like the tears from god
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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