The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
