i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
