I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
