At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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