i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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