Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize