I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
