I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
