Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
