Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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