Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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