ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
