What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
