cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize