i just google imaged poop.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
