we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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