Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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