I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
