there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
