Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
