So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
These tits shall not be calmed
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
