what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
