My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Walk of Shame today included voting.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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