Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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